So I haven't written in a while. I guess I should update a little bit on what's been happening lately.
The first semester of college has gone great. Yeah, I dropped 2 classes, but that's part of college. Trying new things and figuring out if it's going to work or not. So I dropped them. Scheduling for next semester is next Monday. I'm freaking out because I don't know what to take yet. =/ I'll figure it out though. Maybe something fun. I don't know.
So about a month ago I requested tickets to The Ellen Show...and I got them! I actually got the tickets! I can't believe it! My sister, Ashley, and I are flying to California on February 2nd and will be there until the 5th. I'm so happy! I love Ellen so much! But I'm freaking out because I've never been on a plane before. =S I hope it goes fine. All three of us are afraid of flying. XD This is going to be bad. lol
And so I found out recently that Joe is in a relationship. I don't know the girl, but I'm a bit sad. I waited too long to tell him how I felt. I guess that's what I get, right? But I guess it's okay, because...because I'm not over Ian yet.
There's a part of me that sometimes is okay with him being gone. But there are other days where I just feel like giving up because I don't have him in my life anymore. He was my support system. He gave me courage and the hope to keep pushing myself. But now that's gone. And I feel helpless. I feel like I'm going to fail without him. And it sucks. I just really miss him. And at the same time I hate him so much. How is this possible? I should hate him completely for living me for the 3rd time. But...I can't completely hate him. And I was going to spend my life with him. Now that high school is over it feels weird. I always had this plan that after I graduated we would run off together and live together and be happy. But it never came since he broke up with me at the end of my junior year. Of course, right? Right when it was almost time for us to happen...he left. He left Tennessee and moved to Florida. And it hurts. Because I have no way of speaking to him anymore. I just...I want to be with him. And I want to talk to him. But I can't. And it sucks. It kills me.
Well, now I'm getting myself down too much. Plus it's 4am and I have class in 7 hours. I should go to sleep. XD
Goodnight!
-Laura
